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Archive for April, 2012

BUSY!

 

 

 

 

 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

My plan for having April off hasn’t worked, I am decorating the boxroom.  So I will leave you with this.

 

 

 

1. Two blondes walk into a building….you’d think at least one of
them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message – “…If you want to buy
Marijuana, press the hash key…”
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
Shorts.
The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t
find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks
are too high.”
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted,” Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I
know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week, and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says “I’ll give you some cream to put on it.”
12. ‘Doc I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home’ “That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ‘Is it common?’ “It’s not unusual.”
13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. “My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” said the vet, “let’s have
a look at him” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him
down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy”
14. Guy goes into the doctor’s. “Doc, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up
my backside.” “How’s that?” “Don’t you start.”
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff…boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you
give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your
oyster, go for it.’
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or
my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But
I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other “Your round.” The
Other one says “So are you, you fat bast**d!”
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday; one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
One off.
21. “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, ‘Parking Fine.’ So
that was nice.”
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, “I’ve hurt my arm in
several places” The doctor said, “Well don’t go there anymore”

😉

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Hey You

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, and no second chances.

– Unknown

Morning amazing.

Yes you.

I am taking to you.

Do you know how amazing you are?

Do you know that there was only a 15 -25% chance of you being conceived and then only an 80% chance of you being born? You then spent a few years learning how to stand and walk, to talk and even harder still to listen. Do you know how hard it is to listen? Think about it you wonderful person, you learnt how to filler out sounds so that you could concentrate on just one sound. You leaned to manipulate your fingers to use tools, you learnt how to use logic to make seen of things and accomplish things. You have an amazing archive of thoughts, memories, ideas and knowledge inside your head. You have the ability to feel others pain and sorrow, to be empathic and give support. You have the power to make other happy or sad.

You are a truly amazing, wonderful, fantastic person.

 

Well that’s what I think anyway.

🙂

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Oh Yes

All styles are good except the tiresome kind.

Voltaire

I am backing this man all the way  I hate people who can’t seen to survive without their phone up against their ear.

😉

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Time to smile

I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it. ~Charles Schulz

😉

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The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Winter came back last week, rain YEA (but not enough), snow YEA (but not enough) and gales; ooh don’t you just love a British spring time.

Next on my decorating list is the library/boxroom/storeroom/junkroom. Yes it is all of those things and on top of that it is a very small room. I stated by tarting three wardrobes and a chest of draws On moving one wardrobe I found a problem (why was I surprised)? As I stepped behind it I went through the floor and on pulling back the carpet found a floor board split in two. That job has been added to the list, I honestly thought moving the furniture out was going to be the biggest problem. Saying that I have put the decorating on the back burner because of the weather, it’s too cold to remove the radiator or for the paint and paper to dry.

I have also cleaned the landing and stair carpet, I don’t have a cleaner it’s a bucket and cloth job when I clean carpets so it’s a workout too. This particular carpet is a pain in the backside, it’s an Axminster and even with the bristles down and the hoover set on turbo-suck it still won’t give up the dust and hair. (Note to self, never buy another posh carpet).

Easter weekend we spent in the bathroom, firstly we built up under the bath in hopes this will stop it moving, then we took up the floor and relayed it in hopes this will stop it moving. We did find out why the floor never seemed very flat in there, one of the joists is set slightly higher than the rest, so it must have been built like it way back in the 1930s. Then I repainted the woodwork and re-grouted and hubby fixed the guttering which was leaking and replaced a tile on the porch, (in-between showers).

We went carpet shopping and got one this time, (it’s sat up the stairs at the moment, hubby’s on nights so we will lay it at the weekend) and we visited sis-in-law.

So it wasn’t a restfull weekend hahaha.

Nicey niece is 18 this year, (I wish these kids would stop it) and we have been invited to her party, I am just hoping I can get the dress on I have in mind, it’s brown, blue, purple and I think there might be a bit of gold too. No it’s not Joseph’s coat and it’s not as bad as it sounds. I am quite looking forward to a night of bopping hahaha.

Do you ever look at your Stats? I don’t very often, I don’t really care how many people read my blogs, I write them because I like writing but I am not clever or interesting enough to write a book. Anyway back to the point do you ever wonder about some of the search terms? Over the past week people have landed on my site with search terms such as ‘anyone suffered from ice-cream,’ ‘Cornish guardian,’ ‘star-stairs’ and ‘can you see hope,’ it’s the referrers I get confused with, how can someone come from twitter or facebook, I get quite a few from these two. (Yes I know it doesn’t take a lot to confuse me).

There hasn’t been much on TV over the weekend so we  watched a couple of films  Paul and The Untouchables, (an oldie and a not so oldie you might say), both good

And that was our bank holiday

😉

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Perhaps the distant part of the sky always seems clearest so that we may always strive to reach it.

 

 

 

 

We used to sing this at school, way back in the 60s

When They Built The Ship Titanic

Oh the built the ship Titanic to sail the ocean blue, and they thought they had a ship that the water wouldn’t go through, but the Lord’s Almighty Hand said that ship would never land. It was sad when the great ship went down…

(Chorus)
It was sad, SO SAD! It was sad, SO VERY SAD!
It was sad when the great ship went down to the bottom of the (husbands and wives,and little children lost their lives!) It was sad when the great ship went down

Well they were not far from shore, say a thousand miles or more, and the rich refused to associate with the poor, so they sent them down below and they were the first to go. It was sad when the great ship went down.

(Chorus)

Well they sent the lifeboats out on the dark and stormy sea, and the band struck up with Near my God to thee, Oh the heroes saved the weak as the ship began to leak. It was sad when the great ship went down.

(Chorus)

Well the cook he came on deck when he heard them holler HECK! For he thought it was the food that put um in the mood, when he saw them jumpin’ oar, he knew they’d eat no more. It was sad when the great ship went down.

(Chorus)

Well the captain came on deck with a tear in his eye, as the last boats left he waved them all goodbye, and he knew he made a slip, so he went down with the ship. It was sad when the great ship went down.

(Chorus)

Well they built another ship, and they called her MARY JANE! From the bow to the stern she was painted just the same, then they christiened her with beer and she sank right off the pier. It was sad when the great ship went down.

(Chorus)

Well the moral we obtain from this story of WOE AND PAIN! is that if you’re rich there’s no need to be vain, cuz in the Good Lord’s Eyes you’re the same as other guys. It was sad when the great ship went down.

(Chorus)

Oh it was sad when the great ship went down!!!

🙂

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Another email

 

Sometimes the majority only means

that all the fools are on the same side.

 

 

12 things my mother taught me
1 – APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:  “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside; I’ve only just finished cleaning.”
2 – TIME TRAVEL:  “If you don’t behave, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
3 – LOGIC:  “Because I said so, that’s why!”
4 – FORESIGHT:  “Make sure you’ve got clean underwear on in case you’re in an accident.”
5 – OSMOSIS:  “Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.”
6 – CONTORTION:  “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck.”
7 – STAMINA:  “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.”
8 – TERRORISM:  “Your room looks like a bomb’s hit it.”
9 – SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS:  “If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, THEN would you listen?”
10 – OXYMORONS:  “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times; don’t exaggerate.”
11 – IMPROVEMENT BY EXAMPLE:  “Stop acting like your father.”
12 – ENVY:  “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have parents as good as yours!”

🙂

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