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Archive for September, 2010

No title just this

funny pictures-keep paddlin', ahmosht dere,  keep paddlin', ahmosht dere,
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I saw this idea for a gift box, done a few years ago and this year I have made one to pop a Christmas present in, I am quite pleased with the end result, I may even make some more.

I don’t know how many of these are true, but it’s a good list

A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All Polar bears are left-handed.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.

Cat’s urine glows under a black light.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human’s neck.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the ’30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

Shakespeare invented the word “assassination” and “bump.”

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Starfish haven’t got brains.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The name Wendy was made up for the book “Peter Pan.”

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

The sentence, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter in the English language.

The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath.

You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.

Whatever your past has been,
you have a spotless future.
-Melanie Gustafson

😉

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The good news

We have had a bit of good news, the chemo has held father-in-laws tumour at the size it was and his blood counts have gone down from over 100 to 9. We know they can’t cure it, but at least it’s not got any worse.

The funny
A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a poo there, and the bird landed in it. At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it

There are three morals to this story:

1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend

3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut

Joy is not in things, it is in us.
-Benjamin Franklin

😉

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Boom Boom

THE HUMBLED PARROT

John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a terrible attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and ruder! In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer!

For a few minutes the parrot squawked, kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet! Not a peep was heard for over a minute!

Fearing that he’d killed the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude! As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

🙂 🙂

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It’s gone cold

I got quite a few jobs done outside yesterday, as well as the gardening I wanted to get done; I also removed all the apples and pruned the apple tree and tidy the pond. I sealed the drive, (something I have been going to do for the past three years), and deciding I didn’t fancy doing all on my knees I made myself this haha, necessity is the mother of invention, it worked quite well. Then I washed the doors and gate down, the storm we had the other day had made a right mess of them.

I got up this morning to see the two squirrels hard at work, one of them eating the apples I had put out for the birds and the other digging up all the spring bulbs I have not long planted, the little tinkers.

Hubby’s back today so I have baked an apple and red current pie, (both from the garden, it smells lovely, the pie that is not the garden, well the garden does to it smells like autumn, wet soil and rotting leaves. Yes it is a nice smell)

This little story on yahoo news made me smile David Cameron’s new baby sleeps in a cardboard box, I just thought it was a lovely little story, the human touch.

Then this very interesting article caught my eye, going to the gym doesn’t help you lose weight, at last I can stop feeling guilt. It’s a bit of a long read but very interesting.

😉

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I have got to stop

Eating! Not all together of course, just the amount.

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Last night as number 1 wasn’t off out we ordered pizza and had a night with the Doctor. We watched the last of the box sets he brought me, The Waters of Mars and The End of Time, (the one where the Doctor dies, *sob* it was just as sad the second time).

Well I really must go now, this is the last dry day for a while, well that’s what the weatherman said and I have a few outside jobs I want to get done.

Have a good weekend everyone

Whatever you are,
be a good one.
-Abraham Lincoln

🙂

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Yesterday I made some pre Christmas Christmas chocolate on the request of number 1, then I cut some gift tags out of old cards ready for when I start wrapping, (it’s not long now) whilst I watched ‘I want a dog for Christmas Charlie Brown’ and then because I didn’t fancy doing much of anything, (my winter cough has come early this year and it hurt yesterday), I watched ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, well  there are only 92 days to the big day, and the supermarket has advents in.

How do you feel about the country you live in giving away millions of pounds (or equivalent) in aid to other countries? This is a question which ties me up in knots, while I agree that we should help the less fortunate, I also believe in putting your own house in order first. The other day I saw one of our beloved leaders on the news saying that all well off countries should send aid to the less well off counties, and the next report saying that due to cuts the elderly will not be able to get the same care that they have had up to now, (and lets face it, it was pitiful in some places anyway), cut’s in the NHS can only lead to people not getting the treatment they need, we already have drugs available to help some people that can’t be used because of cost. Cuts in the police force allowing thugs to run riot, and cuts in the fire service, think about the risks in that. No I don’t have the answer, I am just very confused and tied in knots.

We had a couple storms yesterday, one in the afternoon made up of thunder/hail and that much rain I had to go out and sweep it away from the drive as it was treating to come into the porch, and I wasn’t the only one sweeping. Then later another thunder storm with lighting so bright it lit the house, I love a good storm.

Hubby is away for the weekend with his biker mates, they are off to Lynmouth, which means the house will stay tidy for two whole days woo hoo.

And now I really must go and do the ironing

Write it on your heart that every day
is the best day in the year.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

😉

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Isn’t it funny how quickly things go back to the humdrum? We haven’t been back a week and already the trip to the peaks feels like a lifetime ago. It’s when you start all the day to day activities I suppose, you know washing, cleaning, gardening, cooking for the store cupboard, (I have just made several jars of mincemeat and frozen a couple of handfuls of red chillies). I am wondering now where I can start to store  food for when we lose all power in 2012/13, have you hear that one, the solar flare thing? Massive solar flares are due in 2012/13 which could knock out all electronic equipment, no electric, phones, water, gas, and so on. We will be living like cavemen, ooh err do I need to grow my hair back to keep me warm?

Well it’s now autumn here in the UK, yes it is, as of today it’s officially autumn, the equinox and all that, time to put your tee-shirts away and get out the woollies. I love this time of year, I could write about it, but instead I will recycle a bit of an old post, heehee.

First posted Sep 09

icon044 Soon be autumn, but our garden is already well on it’s way to going to sleep. I love autumn, all the lovely colours as the trees change from green to red and yellow, gold and russet. The chilly mornings that turn into nice afternoons (well sometimes), that clean feel to the air and the smell of the fallen leaves as they rot on the ground. I love walking knee deep in the fallen leaves, kicking them up and hearing the crunch as the dried ones crumble under foot. In fact I can’t pass a pile of leaves without walking through them, something that hubby finds funny, he always asks the same question ‘How old are you?’ and I always answer ‘not to old for this’ In the garden I watch the birds turning the compost over for the grubs that live in there and the Robin reappears with his bright red chest, he has got very cheeky and calls now if the feeders are empty. It takes the sun a little longer to say good morning, but I don’t mind that, I love the dusky mornings, I think the strange twilight light gives a very surreal look to everything. Autumn mists are lovely, I love to watch the misty hanging in trees and over water Then there are the new frosts catching at the remaining leaves and branches, like someone as been along with a glue stick and glitter. I once remember walking through freezing fog, it twinkle all around me, I felt as though I was in a fairy tale.

We have spent sometime in the garden a few more days and I think the biggest part of the tidy up will be completed, then it’s the planing for next year, it’s all go isn’t?

Happy Autumn everyone.

The mere sense of living is joy enough.
– Emily Dickinson

😉

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